Dreaming about
your husband

Marriage is the relationship most of us dream about most, and also the one we take most for granted during the day. Dreaming about your husband usually reflects how close or distant the marriage feels right now, and what you need from him that the routine of work, children and bills has pushed aside. The comfortable dreams (cooking together, an ordinary evening) often say all is well, and the painful ones often say you miss him, even when he's sitting next to you on the sofa.

The painful ones get searched far more, and they rarely mean what you fear. A dream of him cheating, leaving or dying usually comes from tiredness, distance or the plain fear of losing what you've built. How long you've been married, what the last few weeks have been like, and whether you feel looked after or taken for granted are what decide the reading.

What dreaming about your husband means

After years together, a husband can become as much a part of the house as the walls, which is why dreams bring him back into focus. Most husband dreams turn on one of three things.

The security you've built

A husband often stands for the stable part of your life, the home, the shared plans, the person who'll be there in ten years. Calm dreams of him come when that stability feels solid. But a flooding house, a car that won't start or a husband who can't be reached can show that something in that security feels shaky, often money, health or work and not the marriage itself.

Distance that crept in

Long marriages go through stretches where you're more co-managers than partners, busy with jobs, children or aging parents. Does he not hear you in the dream, walk ahead without looking back, or spend the evening with other people? Those dreams are common in such stretches, and they're a signal to find time for each other more than a sign that something is wrong.

What you want from him

Sometimes the dream husband is more romantic, more helpful or more attentive than the real one. That's usually a wish, and a useful one, since it tells you exactly what you'd like more of. Dreams follow what we think about and long for,^[1] so it's worth taking them seriously as a list of needs.

Dreaming about your husband cheating

This is the most searched husband dream, and it's often vivid enough to leave you cold toward him over breakfast. But it doesn't mean he's cheating. It usually shows that you feel less chosen than you'd like, because he's distracted, because you've changed, or because of an old betrayal (his, or someone else's) that still hurts. Who the other woman was is often the clue, especially a friend, a colleague or someone who has things you feel you've lost. The partner cheating guide covers this dream at length.

Dreaming about cheating on your husband

Dreaming that you're the one who cheats leaves many people ashamed, and the shame is usually out of proportion. The dream is rarely about wanting another man. More often it's about a part of you that marriage has put on hold, like the person who traveled or flirted. Ask what the other man gave you in the dream. If it was attention or adventure, that's the need to bring back into your life, with your husband or on your own.

Dreaming about your husband dying

A husband dying in a dream is one of the most frightening things to wake from, and it doesn't predict anything. Dreams of a loved one's death are among the commonest there are, and they're especially common in long, close marriages. The dream may show your fear of being left alone, or the end of a stage, such as retirement, an empty nest or a move. If your husband has already died, dreaming of him is part of grief, and many widows describe these dreams as a comfort, a chance to see him again.

Dreaming about your ex-husband

An ex-husband in a dream usually stands for the marriage and the person you were in it, more than the man himself. These dreams often come when something in your current life echoes the old one, like a new relationship reaching the same stage, a divorce anniversary or a child's milestone. They don't mean you want him back. And if you want more on exes in general, see dreaming about your ex.

Dreaming about your husband leaving you

Waking up after your husband walked out in a dream is a hard way to start the day. These dreams usually reflect a fear of abandonment, stirred by small things like a cold reply, a missed anniversary or a friend's divorce. If they keep coming back, look at what in the marriage feels unspoken (we all have a list). And if he left calmly while you felt oddly relieved, the dream may be about needing more space than you've admitted.

Dreaming about your husband getting another woman pregnant

This dream combines betrayal with something even harder, another family that isn't yours. It often comes when children are on your mind, if you're trying to conceive, have decided against children, or have seen yours grow up and leave. It can also reflect a fear that your husband's attention or future is going somewhere you can't follow. It isn't a sign of a real affair or a real pregnancy.

Dreaming about a husband you don't have

Single people, and married ones too, sometimes dream of being married to a man they've never met. It can be a plain wish for partnership, but often it's a picture of qualities you want in a partner, or of a life you're imagining, like settling down or moving abroad. Notice who he was and how the life felt. That's often a clearer description of what you want than anything on a dating profile.

Rewriting a painful husband dream

A bad dream about your husband that keeps returning can be rewritten while you're awake. Before sleep, replay the scene in your mind the way you wish it had gone, with your husband coming home or choosing you at the party, until it feels real. Some people find it softens recurring bad dreams about a partner, and it costs nothing to try. If the nightmares don't ease, there are also practical ways to have fewer nightmares.

Dreaming about your husband according to Jung and Freud

The symbol lists skip husbands, but each man has an idea that reaches into a marriage dream.

Jung: the dream husband as an inner man

In Jung's account, a man who turns up in a woman's dream often stands for a hidden side of her, which he called the animus.^[2] A husband is the easiest face for it to borrow. The husband who takes charge, goes quiet or walks off with someone else may carry something of your own, such as the decisions you let him make or the anger you let him hold. That's the idea applied, and it adds one question: which of his dream traits would you like to claim?

Freud: the plot as a disguised wish

Among the typical dreams Freud described is the death of a loved one, which nearly everyone has had,^[3] so losing your husband in a dream puts you in large company. For a cheating plot, his method begins with where you saw the other woman yesterday, then asks what the plot gets you, since he held that a dream shows a wish in disguise. Here the wish may be only to be missed, fought for or noticed.

Other readings

Calvin Hall, an American psychologist who spent his career collecting and counting dreams, held that they show how you see the people close to you, in the way a father seen as stern is cast in a stern role.^[4] So your dream husband is the husband as you see him this month. Neville Goddard, a teacher of manifesting who lived from 1905 to 1972, treated each dream as a snapshot of the state you're living from, and gave the rewriting above its name, revision.^[5]

Questions to ask about your husband dream

The dream is about your marriage, and only you know what it's like from the inside. These questions help you find what it's pointing at.

• Was he the husband you know, or a version from earlier in your marriage?
• What did you need from him in the dream, and did you get it?
• What has the last month been like between you?
• Who else was there, and what do they mean to you?
• Is a change coming, like a move, a new job or children leaving home?

Oniri asks about your marriage and what's been happening between you two before it reads a husband dream, so it can tell a real worry from a tired week.