Dreaming about
a man

Men make up a large share of the cast in most people's dreams, and in men's own dreams they far outnumber women, a gap dream researchers have counted for decades.^[1] So dreaming about a man is common, and on its own it says little. What matters is which man: your father, a partner, a colleague, or a man you've never met who still felt important.

A man you know usually brings your relationship with him into the dream, and his being male may not matter at all. A stranger is different. He tends to stand for a quality, a situation or a side of yourself, and how he treated you (protective, threatening, tender, indifferent) is the best clue you have.

What dreaming about a man means

Most dreams about a man fall into one of three readings, and the first question is always whether you knew him.

A man in your life

If you recognized him, start with the obvious. Think about how you feel about him in waking life, and whether the dream version was kinder, angrier or more distant than the real one. Dreams often exaggerate a feeling you've been playing down, so a boyfriend who ignores you all night may be pointing at a small coldness you've noticed by day.

Qualities you link with men

Plenty of men in dreams are there for what they stand for, whether that's drive, protection, authority, harshness or tenderness, and who he is matters less than which quality he carries. A man who leads you somewhere, argues with you or saves you can be that quality, asking to be used or warning you that it's taken over.

A side of yourself

An unknown man can also be a side of you that you haven't claimed, a trait you'd rather not own. If he was everything you dislike (loud, lazy, cruel, cowardly), the dream may be asking how much of him is in you.

Dreaming about a man you've never met

Many people search for this after waking up sure they'd met someone important, and some have seen the "Ever dreamed this man?" posters that went round the internet in the late 2000s. That face came from a website set up in 2008 by an Italian marketer, Andrea Natella, and nobody ever produced the thousands of dreamers it claimed. A stranger who feels familiar is usually built from faces you've passed and forgotten. What he did matters more than who he was, and the page on strangers goes further into it.

Dreaming about a shadow man

A dark, faceless male figure standing in the room, often while you can't move, is one of the most reported experiences of sleep paralysis. It feels real because you're half awake. Our post on the sleep paralysis demon explains what's happening and how to cut it short. If the shadow man appeared in an ordinary dream instead, he's closer to a fear you can't put a face to yet.

Dreaming about being attacked by a man

Being attacked by a man is frightening, and it's one of the commonest nightmare plots there is. According to one theory, the sleeping brain stages attacks like this as practice, so you react faster to real danger.^[2] Look at what was going on before the attack and whether he reminded you of anyone. When the same attack nightmare returns night after night, these tips for fewer nightmares can help, and if they replay something that really happened to you, they're worth raising with a doctor or therapist.

Dreaming about an old man

An old man who gives you advice, a warning or directions often turns up when you've run out of answers of your own. Grandfathers, teachers and old men on park benches all play the part. Try to remember what he said, since that's usually the point of the dream.

Dreaming about sleeping with a man

A sex dream about a man is often about closeness, power or a quality you want, more than about the man himself. If he was someone you'd never be attracted to, ask what he has that you'd like, such as his confidence, his calm or his freedom. A sex dream about a man says nothing fixed about your orientation.

Dreaming about a man according to Jung and Freud

Jung sorted dream men by who is dreaming and what the man does, while Freud's way in was the people around the dreamer.

Jung: the animus, the shadow and the wise old man

Jung held that everyone carries an inner figure of the other sex. For a woman it is the animus, so an unknown man who leads her, argues with her or rescues her can be that figure.^[3] For a man, a stranger of his own sex is more likely the shadow, the traits he'd rather not own.^[3] And an old man who hands out advice, whether he's a teacher, a doctor, a priest or a grandfather, is the wise old man, one of his figures of knowledge and authority.^[4] Which of the three you're looking at depends on your own sex and on what the man did.

Freud: the man who stands for someone

The nearest thing to a man in Freud's symbol list is the father, since kings and emperors in dreams were, in his reading, the dreamer's parents.^[5] So a commanding man, whatever coat he wore, may be a father in disguise, and since a dream pictures a wish as granted, a protective stranger can be the wish to be looked after. A threatening one may carry an old quarrel with a real man. Freud put the dreamer's own associations first, so the question he'd ask is who the man looked like.

Other readings

Calvin Hall, an American psychologist whose archive grew past 50,000 dream reports, argued that a figure in your dream shows how you see that person. He noted that a single father could turn up in dreams dressed as a teacher, then a policeman, then a king, then an army officer, with every costume isolating one trait: wise, punishing, remote, strict.^[6] He also observed that young men commonly dream of being attacked by other men, and that women see men as attackers too.^[7]

Questions to ask about your dream of a man

These questions narrow down which man the dream was really about.

• Did you know him, or did he only feel familiar?
• How did he treat you, and how did you react?
• What was his most striking quality?
• Who does that quality remind you of, yourself included?

Oniri starts by asking who the man was to you, because a father, a lover and a stranger at a station each send the reading somewhere else.