Dreaming about
your boyfriend

A boyfriend is one of the people you're most likely to dream about, simply because he takes up so much of your waking attention. Dreaming about your boyfriend usually reflects how the relationship feels to you right now, whether it's safe, uncertain or somewhere in between. Good dreams tend to show what you love about him, and bad ones tend to show a fear you haven't put into words.

The bad ones are what most people search for, and they rarely mean what they seem to. A dream where he cheats or leaves says much more about your own sense of security than about his behavior. How long you've been together, how the last week went, and what you're worried he might do are what decide the reading.

What dreaming about your boyfriend means

Dreams track what we think about and spend our time on,^[1] so a new or intense relationship fills them almost by default. Beyond that, a boyfriend in a dream usually carries one of three things.

How safe you feel with him

Most boyfriend dreams are a reading of the relationship's weather, which we check at night without meaning to. Early on, when you don't yet know where it's going, it's normal to dream of him drifting off, forgetting you or choosing someone else. Those dreams come from the not-knowing more than from anything he did. In a settled relationship, the same dreams often show up around a change (moving in, a long trip, meeting his family), when the old balance is shifting and you're not sure how you'll land.

What you want from him

Sometimes the dream boyfriend is better than the real one. He's more attentive, he says the thing you've been waiting to hear, or he finally plans the weekend. Was he kinder in the dream than he's been lately, or more present? That gap shows what you'd like more of, and it's often easier to ask for than you think. And if the dream boyfriend was worse than the real one, colder or more critical, ask whose voice that really was, since it may be closer to your own self-doubt than to him.

A side of yourself

A partner can also stand for qualities you'd like to have, like his confidence, his calm or his ease with people. Did he do something in the dream you'd never do, like quit a job on the spot or tell someone off? Then the dream may be less about him than about you wanting a little of that in your own life.

Dreaming about your boyfriend cheating on you

This is the most searched boyfriend dream by far, and the one that leaves people checking their partner's phone in the morning. But it doesn't mean he's cheating. What it usually shows is that you feel insecure about something, whether it's his attention, your place in his life or an old betrayal that still hurts. Who he cheated with is often the most useful detail, especially if it was someone you know. The partner cheating guide goes through this one in much more detail.

Dreaming about cheating on your boyfriend

Waking up guilty after a dream where you cheated is common, and the guilt is the interesting part. And it rarely means you want someone else. It's more often about a need the relationship isn't meeting right now (excitement, attention, being seen as someone new) or about a part of your life you keep to yourself. If the other person was a stranger, think about what they had that you're missing, and if it was an ex, what that time in your life gave you.

Dreaming about your boyfriend breaking up with you

A dream breakup comes from a fear of being left, and it often shows up just after a small sign of distance, like a canceled date or a reply that took all day. It can also come before a big step, when part of you is testing how much you'd lose. People searching for a spiritual meaning here usually want to know if it's a sign the relationship is ending. It isn't. If you were the one doing the breaking up, ask what you'd like to end, which may be a habit in the relationship and not the relationship itself.

Dreaming about your boyfriend dying

This is a frightening dream, and it doesn't predict anything. Dreams of a loved one dying are among the most common dreams there are. Most of the time it shows how much he matters to you, or a fear of losing him that has nothing to do with his health. It can also mark the end of a stage, as when the early, giddy months give way to something steadier.

Dreaming about your boyfriend ignoring you

He looks straight through you, talks to everyone else at the party, or doesn't answer when you call his name. These dreams are about feeling unseen, and they come when he's been busy, distracted or away and you've told yourself it's fine. But the dream says it isn't quite fine yet, and that you'd like more of his attention than you've asked for.

Dreaming about an old boyfriend

A boyfriend from years ago is one of the most common faces in dreams, and people often worry it means they want him back, which it rarely does. He usually stands for who you were back then, or for a feeling (being adored, being reckless, being hurt) that something in your life has brought back. If you're happily with someone now, the dream is more about the past self than the past man.

Dreaming about your boyfriend according to Jung and Freud

Jung and Freud each explain why a boyfriend keeps turning up at night, and each gives you a question to ask when he behaves strangely.

Jung: when he acts like someone else

Jung called the inner male figure in a woman's dreams the animus, and tied it to qualities she hasn't lived out yet, such as drive, firm opinions and the nerve to act.^[3] So a dream boyfriend who looks like yours but is bolder, blunter or more certain than he is awake may be carrying some of that for you. The question travels to anyone, whatever your gender or his, and it asks what this figure does that you'd like to own.

Freud: the day's leftovers and a wish in disguise

Freud built a dream from two things, scraps of the day before and a wish disguised enough to be let through.^[2] A boyfriend you saw, texted or argued with yesterday is the obvious scrap, which is why he's such a regular. The wish is subtler. A jealous dream can hide a wish for proof that he'd fight to keep you, or one for a little more space, and Freud would send you first to your own associations and not to a list. His short list of typical dreams, the ones nearly everybody has, includes the death of someone you love, which is where a dream of losing him fits in.

Questions to ask about your boyfriend dream

Before you decide what the dream says about your relationship, look at what it says about you, which is what these questions are for.

• Did he feel like your real boyfriend, or like someone else in his body?
• How did you feel when you woke up: relieved, jealous, sad, warm?
• What happened between the two of you in the last few days?
• Is anything about to change, like moving in, a trip or meeting family?
• What did you want from him in the dream that you didn't get?

Oniri asks you about the relationship and the week you've had before it reads a dream like this, so a jealous dream gets read against what's going on between you two.