Dreaming about
friends

We dream about the people we spend time with, and friends are near the top of that list. So most friend dreams start from something ordinary (a message you didn't answer, a dinner last week, a friendship that's been quiet for too long). Dreaming about friends usually reflects the friendship itself, or a quality you see in that friend that you'd like, or fear, in yourself. Old friends, the ones from school or a past job, tend to bring back the period of your life they belonged to.

What decides the reading is which friend it was and what happened between you. A best friend laughing with you in the kitchen is one dream, and a friend turning their back on you at a party is another. And a friend you lost years ago, visiting you at night, is something else again. Your feelings about that person right now (closeness, guilt, envy, longing) fill in the rest.

What dreaming about friends means

A friend in a dream can be the real person, or a picture of something they stand for, and usually it's a bit of both. Which friends turn up, and when, says a lot about what's on your mind.

The friendship as it is

Many friend dreams are about the friendship, plain and simple. If you've been distant, the dream may show your friend drifting away. But if there's a tension you haven't talked about, it tends to come out as a fight, a silence or a strange coldness, which can be more uncomfortable to wake from. Dreams track what fills our waking hours and thoughts,^[1] so a friendship that's on your mind tends to end up in your nights.

A quality you see in them

Each friend tends to stand for something, like the brave one, the funny one or the one who always lands on their feet. When a particular friend shows up, ask what they're known for in your group. If you're facing a situation that needs that quality, the dream may be borrowing your friend to remind you that you have some of it too.

Support you need

Sometimes a friend appears in a dream just to be there, sitting with you on a bench or walking beside you. These dreams often come in hard periods, when you're dealing with something alone and wish you weren't (a diagnosis, a breakup, a job you hate). They're worth taking literally, because that friend may well be the person to call.

A time in your life

Friends belong to periods, the school years, a first job, a city you lived in in your twenties. Dreaming about a friend from one of those periods often brings back how you felt then, freer, lonelier or more hopeful. It tends to happen when something today echoes that time.

Dreaming about old friends

Old friends and friends from the past are the most searched friend dream, and they're rarely about the friend themselves. They tend to stand for who you were when you knew them. Did you dream of a school friend you haven't seen in fifteen years? Then ask what that age meant to you and what's bringing it back now, like a reunion, a move or a birthday that ends in a zero. And if you lost touch on bad terms, the dream is often your mind going over what happened.

Dreaming about a friend dying

This is a distressing dream, but it isn't a warning, and it says more about you than about your friend's health. A friend dying in a dream usually reflects a change in the friendship, as when they move away, get married, have a baby or simply have less time for you. It can also come from worry about them, especially if they're ill or going through something hard.

Dreaming about a friend who has died

If a friend has died, dreaming about them is part of grieving, and some of these dreams feel more real than waking life. People often dream that the friend is alive again, talking as if nothing happened, or that they've come to say something. Many find these dreams comforting, others find them painful, and both are normal. What your friend said or did is worth writing down, because it often reflects something you wanted to tell them or hear from them.

Dreaming about a friend being pregnant

A friend's pregnancy in a dream is usually about something new growing in their life, or in yours, through them. It can reflect a real change in the friend (a new job, a new partner) that you've noticed. It can also show your own wish for something new, whether that's a baby or a project, and sometimes a worry that the friendship will change. A pregnant friend in a dream is not a sign that she's actually pregnant.

Dreaming about fighting with a friend

A fight with a friend in a dream often brings out a tension that's been quietly building, and it's usually about something smaller than the fight. Was it about money, a partner, or who always has to make the plans? If you fought about something absurd, the dream may be covering for a real grievance you haven't wanted to name. Look at who started it, and who wanted to make up.

Dreaming about a friend betraying you

A friend who lies, spreads rumors, or goes off with your partner is a dream about trust. But it doesn't mean they're betraying you, and it's more often about a doubt you've had, or a moment where you felt left out or replaced. If the betrayal involved your partner, the guide to dreams about a partner cheating covers it in more detail. Ask what you were afraid of losing in the dream, the friend or the partner.

Why friends are such regulars in dreams

Most of the people we dream about are people we know, and friends make up a good share of them. That's continuity at work, as dreams reflect who we spend time with and worry about.^[1]

Dreaming about friends according to Jung and Freud

Neither man wrote about friends as a symbol, so both readings below apply an idea to them and say so.

Jung: the friend who carries your shadow

Jung held that the shadow, everything about yourself you'd rather not own, often shows up as a person of your own sex,^[2] and a friend who behaves badly in your dream can be playing that role. If your friend was cruel, lazy or reckless in the dream in a way they never are in life, it's worth asking whether that trait is yours. A friend of the other sex can play a different part, the anima in a man or the animus in a woman, the figure of the other half of yourself (our application).

Freud: friends are the day residue

Part of what a dream is built from, Freud noted, is the day before, and few people supply more of that leftover material than friends: the message you didn't answer, the dinner on Friday, the photo someone posted.^[3] His method started there, and with your own associations before any symbol, so the first question about a friend dream is what you last did or said with that friend. The wish comes after. In his view a dream disguises one, and a friend can carry small, ordinary wishes of the kind he'd look for, such as being as lucky as they are, or being the one they call first (our application).

Questions to ask about your friend dream

Friends are the people we choose, so dreams about them tend to say something about what we want, which is where these questions come in.

• Which friend was it, and what are they like?
• When did you last see or speak to them?
• Was the friendship close in the dream, or was something wrong?
• What quality do they have that you'd like more of?
• Is anything changing in the friendship, or in your life, right now?

Oniri asks about the friend in your dream, and where things stand between you, before reading it, so the dream is read against your friendship and not against friendship in general.